


A Life That I Can't Leave Behind

by CycloneRachel



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: (on both sides of the timeline), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Gen, Insecurity, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, New Year's Eve, One Shot, POV Multiple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-01 18:45:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17249426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CycloneRachel/pseuds/CycloneRachel
Summary: On New Year's Eve, both Winn and Brainy consider their futures.





	A Life That I Can't Leave Behind

It’s been half a year.

Winn left, for the future, almost six months ago- well, to be more precise (and he knows he’s supposed to be) he’s been gone six months and thirteen days.

And even though it’s been so long, he still doesn’t quite know how he fits into his whole situation. He knows where he’s supposed to be, of course, and is doing his best… but the only person who could tell him how to properly do his job can’t help him- until Winn has completed his actual job, and doesn’t need that advice at all.

He’s frustrated, to say the least.

And that isn’t even to mention the Brainiac situation, and how Winn feels so very small when he so much as studies the blueprints for his ship, or gets a glimpse of it as it hovers just over the atmosphere of Colu, or Grenda, or any of the other planets with artificial life that he’s become so familiar with recently.

(It reminds him of facing off against his father, really- feeling helpless yet again, and knowing one’s enemy so well, and even understanding them, yet knowing there’s only a thin line that separates the two of them, and that only one of them will cross it.

Winn makes it his mission to stay on his side of the line, and do what he can. But he’s still afraid that, one day, he’ll wake up, and find Brainiac’s ship hovering over Earth, about to swallow himself and everyone he’s made connections with so far)

But as much as he does, he can’t be Brainy. He can’t replace him for Mon-El or Imra, or any of the other Legionnaires he’s met. (He still can’t keep their names straight, sometimes, as much as he wants to.) He’s not the friend that they left behind in the past, and he knows he won’t ever be.

And as much faith in him as Brainy has… there are still days where he doubts him. Even though, as Brainy would probably tell him if he were here, it would be far more logical not to do so.

Winn sits in Brainy’s chair (that at the very least he’s learned to control, since he left) and pulls out his design, enclosed in glass. The design that Brainy apparently stole from some archive, that’s supposed to be important in future technology.

 _Groundbreaking,_ was the word he used.

He neglected to warn Winn that it was also the foundation for some of Brainiac’s shielding technology, that said villain takes cold delight in using against him.  
Fortunately, the Legion has the original version of it, instead of a reverse-engineered copy, which makes their shields objectively superior.

(And Winn’s even been able to outfit them with personal shields, thanks to a model that Brainy invented himself- which has saved them several times on stealth missions so far.)

So, there’s that, at least. And there haven’t been any major deaths so far. But Winn gets the feeling that Brainiac is only biding his time, waiting for the Legionnaires to make a move against him.

“In other words, I’m trapped on one side of the world’s deadliest chess game.” He mutters to himself. “Even worse than that one from the first _Harry Potter_.”

But Winn keeps looking at the design, despite initial instinct to smash the glass against the floor and crumple the paper up so it’s reduced to dust. It is, after all, why Brainy wanted him in the future, and why Brainy so suddenly changed his tune, from tearing him down to literally giving him the promotion to end all promotions. It was his greatest shame, yes, but that was all in the past.

Nobody remembers its first victim.

Nobody knows about the shame Winn felt, when the design was first given to him, and the burning resolve that replaced it.

He wants to make things better, and he’s dedicating himself to doing just that, so nobody gets hurt again if he can prevent it. And even though nobody’s aware of Demos, or the effect he had on the technology they rely on, Winn still remembers.

He doubts he’ll ever forget, which seems like both a blessing and a curse at the moment.

“Winn?” Imra calls, walking into the room, as he circles the chair around to face her. “Hey. I know you’ve been busy lately, but… I think it’s time you get the night off.”

 _Brainiac doesn’t take nights off,_ Winn thinks.

“I know, I know, criminals don’t take breaks.” She says. “Well, they might- but that isn’t my business. But anyway, on Earth, it’s tradition to celebrate the new year, isn’t it?”

“Yeah…” Winn answers. “And that’s today?”

“Yes.” She says. “So, we’re having a party, and I can at least speak for some of us when I say that we’d really like to see you there.”

“Right, I forgot.” Winn answers, pushing himself out of the chair, wobbling a little bit as he regains his footing on the floor. He shakes his head, slipping his design back into his pocket. “I’ll be right there.”

Imra smiles.

“Good, I’ll let the others know.” She says. Then she’s gone again, and Winn’s left watching her.

He can’t be Brainy, he knows that enough. And as much responsibility as he’s been given, he knows not even Brainy expects him to completely fill his shoes. But he wants to make him proud- and seeing as how Brainy’s counting on him, he knows he needs to try.

He really is going to try, no matter how long it takes him to do so, either in his new time or his old.

Six months and thirteen days, out here, feels like an eternity to Winn- far be it from him to try to imagine how much time is passing in the twenty-first century.

At least, he hopes it’s long enough that they miss him too.

And maybe they’re also celebrating New Year’s- no matter how many years might’ve passed for them.

~

Brainy’s on the rooftop garden again, sitting on top of the damp table as rain drips from the sky.

It’s dark, and not as cold as he thinks it might have been. But even if it were cold, he wouldn’t have minded it, as he was used to this kind of climate.

(Or, as Kara had put it once in a sing-song voice, “The cold never bothered you anyway!” He didn’t understand this reference, and as he pointed out back then, the same could apply to her. She’d lightly hit him on the arm, and rolled her eyes, before going back inside. He’d followed, still confused, even though he had told the truth)

Truth be told, he could’ve chosen any place to brood, but he does like feeling tall, so the height of his current position doesn’t bother him. All he wanted was someplace quiet, free of distractions- even the most pleasant ones that he concerns himself with on a day-to-day basis. He’s always sought such places out, whenever he’s moved to new locations- though he isn’t sure whether he’s gotten used to being alone by now, by his own choice, or whether nobody else chooses to be in the same room as he, and they just refuse to visit him on principle.

(He doesn’t let himself dwell on that, for obvious reasons)

Winn would let others in, he knows. And others would visit him, certainly.

It’s been six months and thirteen days, and as much as he’s become accustomed to the DEO (as much it’s changed, over the past four especially) he still knows he isn’t going to fill Winn’s role there for Alex and Kara, or even those he associates with less, that he’s aware Winn would’ve spent far more time with, had he been there.

But of course, if he was there, the future wouldn’t be safe- and Brainy would never dream of depriving the future of him until he knows its safety is secure.

He has no way of knowing how long that will be, though, of course, so until Winn does return, he’s forced to wait.

(There’s a phrase he’s learned since he’s been in this century: “No news is good news”. He understands it to mean that, if one doesn’t hear from someone else, everything is perfectly fine. And, to some extent, he can understand that- applying it to his specific situation, if Winn was in trouble, he would’ve contacted Kara or Alex by now. But then again, also, it only makes him worry- what if Winn can’t contact him? What if Winn is in danger, captured and bottled by the enemy he was supposed to stop?

Or, perhaps, things are going on schedule for him, and he can’t afford distractions- or, something that should give Brainy reassurance but also might irritate him if he devotes too much thought to it, Winn might not need his help at all. That would be good news, except for the fact that Brainy won’t know until he _does_ come back.)

(If he does.)

He doesn’t appreciate not knowing, in general, though like with many other things in this century, he’s become used to it.

Just like he’s become used to, among other things, Kara finding him- and though he did need some alone time, he has the feeling that he’s going to be convinced to return to her apartment for some reason or another.

Which, at this point, he’s ready for. Better than countless simulations detailing ways Winn could die, or rarely, be triumphing against Brainiac at this moment. With this, he can keep his mind in the present day, and on someone he can actually help in person, which he considers right this time to be a relief.

“Hey, Brainy!” she says from behind him, and Brainy doesn’t think about the specifics of how she found him. “Did you want to come back inside?”

When he doesn’t answer for a moment, she continues with, “You don’t have to. You can keep getting rained on, if you really want- but don’t blame me if you get a cold, or rust, or whatever this kind of weather does to you.”

“I will not rust.” He says. “But thank you for the concern.”

“You’re welcome.” Kara answers. “For the record, though, you’re missing an awesome New Year’s Eve party.”

Brainy smiles, then, turning to her. “We celebrate the same thing, in my century.”

She leaps onto the table he’s sitting on, then, and sits beside him.

“Huh. Guess some things never change.” She says, looking up at the clouds. “And that means you have something to celebrate, in your time, don’t you?”

“Yes.” He says. “I suppose… even though I have no way of knowing what’s going on in the future.”

“Yeah, but you still believe in your friends, right?” Kara asks.

Brainy gives her a small nod.

“Then you have nothing to worry about.” She says. “For the future, at least. But in this time…”

“In this time, what?”

“Well, for starters, Alex is gonna get to all the alcohol before the rest of us even get a chance to toast to the new year.” She answers. “And if I’m not mistaken, I believe I saw a certain type of pizza on the order with your name on it. And I happen to know that it isn’t as good cold, so you might as well eat it while you can.”

“That is true.” He answers. “But I do have someone who can just as easily heat up any kind of pizza for me, if she so desires.”

“I could…” Kara says. “You should come inside first, though.”

 _There’s nothing that will change, if I stay out here_. He thinks. _Whatever might be happening with Winn, it isn’t like he’s going to return at this moment- in fact, he may even be celebrating the new year on his own. I may as well go in, and take advantage of this time I have here._

_After all, who knows if I will return?_

He jumps off the table, feeling the slight shock from it, and Kara joins him, reaching for his hand.

Brainy allows her to take it, and together they return to Kara’s apartment.

Back to warmth, and family, and safety and togetherness and _certainty_ \- everything Brainy values at this moment, in this century, during the dawn of the new year.

That, at least, he can hold on to, while waiting for news from the future, no matter what said news turns out to be.


End file.
